A lot has happened in the past few weeks. Healing up well from the surgery. One more follow up scan to go. Hopefully my periods will come back regularly. The constant cramps and bleeding has been difficult to cope with but in a way it has brought some comfort. Having physical pain and symptoms to direct my energy towards is easier to deal with than the constant pain in my heart.

I’m seeing a clinical psychologist at a local hospital in London. The sessions are going ok so far.

The latest blood results revealed two conditions which I’m able to address with various medications. Both have been with me since birth and, like the septum, were totally beyond my control. My Doctor was surprised I hadn’t experienced any clotting/DVT issues to do. Guess I’ve been lucky, even with all the long haul travel. Blood thinners will help prevent future issues. And switching to methylfolate has been easy.

I would love to try again before the end of this year, can’t bear the idea of another Christmas and New Year with zero progress, but a lot will depend on when and how my cycles return.

I’m getting a lot from the TTC community on Instagram and am going to spend my time there rather than this blog. I’m grateful for this space to put my thoughts in to words, and for the connections (and now friends!) I’ve made, and I know many of us already overlap on both platforms. It is mind blowing when I see the thousands and thousands of women out there grieving and struggling with this journey. It is humbling. I am sure all of us could never have imagined our lives turning out this way, watching our loved ones move forwards with their lives whilst being trapped in a non stop nightmare.

Please please please can 2020 be better.

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