Sunrise

It’s Mother’s Day weekend across the US, Singapore and Australia. The UK celebrates earlier in the year. As a family we have never done much for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, even birthdays. My parents find them all too commercial, and as an adult I agree, it sounds cheesy, but we don’t need a specific day to show our love and appreciation. Living abroad it has made it much easier to be away during these Hallmark days, but there is a constant social media onslaught. Mother’s Day is especially triggering. I’m glad to still be off Facebook. Every word of this article resonated: Pregnantish article

My brother, his wife and my 20 month old nephew are visiting. It is so great to see them here. Spending time with my perfect little nephew is so healing, but also painful. I find myself questioning how they have managed to create this gorgeous little boy, why they deserve it and I don’t, they succeeded and I have failed, what I have done wrong to end up alone? I know it’s not helpful, and not all true. It’s not about how much you want it, how much you deserve it. I constantly struggle to keep these thoughts away.

Still no period. I hope it arrives soon. It is too late for the hysteroscopy this month, I’ve got solid work travel for the next 2 weeks so have missed the window for another month at least (probably 2 months with the move back to London too). I’ve had painful cramps for the past few days. My periods (when I had them, there was a 15 year hiatus when I was using the Mirena IUD!) have never been painful or problematic. PMS wasn’t something I noticed. My Doctor told me that scar tissue could make my periods painful, or prevent them coming at all. Please don’t let this be the case. Sending healing thoughts to any scar tissue that might have formed. Please go away.

We have come away for the weekend, to Bintan, Indonesia. One of the great things about being in Singapore is the access to neighbouring countries. Bintan is a 40 minute boat ride and feels a world away. After a booze free night of babysitting, I’m up early and have come for a Sunrise walk along the beach while my brother and SIL sleep off their hangovers! I love this time of day.

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