There’s a lot going on right now. One thing that’s not going on is my period! It has been almost 2 months since the miscarriage and 6 weeks since the surgery and my period hasn’t come back yet. I’ve got a tonne of work travel on this month and have no weekdays in Singapore until May but luckily managed to get an appointment for a scan this morning. My Doctor says things look ok and thinks my missing period could be stress related. I’m on some hormone tablets to give my menstrual cycle a big boost for a week and hopefully it will come after that. It’s so frustrating because until my period arrives I can’t think about trying again. It’s already April and it feels like this year is slipping away, just like the past 2.
I started this pathway at 35, I’ll be 38 this year. I get wild pangs of rage at everything that has happened (or not happened).
In my last post I had talked about how supportive of the London relocation my boss is. Sadly the senior leaders in our company didn’t share this support and told him its a non-starter. I’m not going to lie, hearing that really hurts. I resigned the same day (Wednesday) and it feels pretty good to know that I’m taking decisions and trying to move forwards. I wish my company could have been more flexible, and I really don’t think what I was asking for was unreasonable, my boss was totally supportive, but sometimes our company is short sighted, and narrow minded. And I think that’s what has happened here. I’ll keep in touch with the organisation, I’ve worked here since I was 19 years old so there’s a lot of history and a lot of friendships. There may be opportunities to work with the company again a some future point in time, or there may not. Life goes on.
My Dad told me he’s proud with my bold move, and I know both Mum and Dad are really happy that I’m coming back to Europe. I feel awful when I think of the worry I cause them by being over here and in these dark patches, hating my life in Singapore and feeling so unfulfilled. I wish I could take away their worry.
I’ll find something to do, but might give myself a few months to do some fertility work and relax, maybe visit friends and family I haven’t seen for a while.
Last week I was in Japan, and I’m flying back again tomorrow for the week. It’s Sakura (Cherry blossom) season and one of my favourite times of year. I took this photo the morning I resigned, before I had any idea that I would be quitting! Spring, fresh starts, new beginnings!