It’s officially spring in the Northern hemisphere. My favourite time of year, although living in Singapore there is hardly any variation in weather all year round.
Spring is a time for fresh starts, new beginnings, and spring cleaning! The day of my most recent miscarriage I deleted Facebook from my phone. I couldn’t bear the thought of the mindless scrolling through other people’s stories when my dreams had been shattered. I went cold turkey and I surprised myself by not missing it one bit. That’s an extra chunk of time back in my day! I don’t miss Facebook, and I have no desire to go back on it. I’ve deactivated my profile so I can’t be tagged in pictures etc. Maybe one day in the future I’ll be ready to go back on again, maybe not.
I’ve been filling the extra time with podcasts and blogs. Last week I fell down a rabbit hole of baby loss blogs. I was sucked in and couldn’t stop reading the awful stories from people who have suffered stillbirths and infant loss. We lost my older brother as a baby, before I was born, and through all of these hard times in recent years I keep thinking that no matter how awful these miscarriages have been, losing a baby must be infinitely worse. Not that there’s a scale of how bad someone’s grief and pain is. It is a different experience for everyone and strikes us all differently.
I’m doing a Distance Learning diploma for the next 2 months and loving it. Feels great to be studying again! It’s another way to fill my days and feels like I’m doing something worthwhile.
My boss is fully supportive of my planned move to London. We need to get clearance from his boss but hopefully I’ll be there by June. The idea of a year near my family is keeping me going. I’m ready to leave Singapore, and a break from Asia would be a good chance to refresh.
So far spring is bringing lots of change and hopefully another new start and change of scenery.