It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon here in Singapore. I’ve had my best weekend since the miscarriage. An influx of visitors from overseas have forced me out of the apartment. And what felt originally like faking it turned out to be quite fun. It felt good to catch up with old friends and colleagues, none of them have any idea of what has been going on with me the past few years, so for a few hours on Friday night and again yesterday I was able to push the painful feelings away and was just myself, almost as if the disappointments of the past 3 years hasn’t happened. I saw friends Friday night, Saturday lunch and am meeting a colleague from Europe this evening. Small doses is my recipe for success. I know if I spent any extended period of time with these people I wouldn’t be able to keep up the act, but it has been a nice holiday from the self-pity that has been plaguing me.
I’m swimming again. I know there is a direct link for me between being in the water and my mental health. It feels so good to be stretching out. The sore muscles the day after a 3k session with a friend were a feeling I’ve missed for a long time.
I’ve also been reading like a fiend. Flexing my library card! I am trying to read 50 books for 2019 and enjoying the challenge.
On the medical side, I’ve been accepted to the National University Hospital recurrent pregnancy loss programme. My first appointment is in May. When my period arrives this month I’m considering another cycle in Barcelona. This time I’ll be on blood thinners (Lovenox/Clexane) and aspirin. I wonder if this will make any difference to the outcome? I’ve seen a lot of good news about the use of these blood thinners, especially where autoimmune conditions are involved. I’m quite excited to be trying again. Hope my body co-operates and that my periods come back soon, it can sometimes take a couple of months after the surgery.
For now, I’m feeling good. Sleeping well, eating well, swimming hard and slowly emerging from my social hibernation. And for all that, I’m thankful. The dark clouds are parting. Phew!