Moving forwards

Finally feeling like the haze has lifted a little. It has been a difficult few weeks and I feel like I’ve been a robot, just going through the motions everyday until it’s time to go to bed at night, wake up and do the same again the next day.

Mum has gone home now and I’ve been over in Tokyo on a business trip. Mount Fuji looked beautiful this morning. It was good to get away but also tough because last time I was in Tokyo I was pregnancy and feeling invincible.

Flying back to Singapore now. It’s International Women’s Day today and I had fun celebrating with colleagues in Japan. The glass ceiling there is so thick it feels like we have a mountain to climb to get any progress for Diversity. But at least people are starting to talk about the situation. Although 3 of my senior male colleagues skipped the Diversity breakfast and spent the day playing golf. So there’s Diversity and Inclusion in action..haha!

I’ve been speaking with the Barcelona clinic and making some plans. I’ve got a few different avenues to consider. None are great, but at least I have options. I want to get going and try again as quickly as possible.

I’ve also pretty much decided to move home. I’ve been overseas for more than 12 years. That’s a lot of Christmases, weddings, christenings and funerals I’ve missed. I feel an overwhelming need to be nearer to my family. Mum’s visit cemented that for me.

I also think it’s time to buy a house. A frivolous idea given I’m trying to become a single Mum and spending tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatment, but, I can’t stop thinking that all these years in rentals isn’t helping me to ever feel settled.

Maybe I’ll get a cat. This time next year I’ll be an old spinster cat lady!!

I don’t know what will happen with work. Need to talk about the options. If it’s not going to work our with my job then so be it. Maybe a fresh start and a new job isn’t such a bad thing. Or if it does work out then that’s a bonus.

My brother, sister in law and nephew just booked flights to come out to Singapore for a week in May. I’ll be away on a work trip for a few days of their visit but it will be so good to see them. I just know my baby nephew is going to love playing in the pool here and I can’t wait to see them again.

So, things have been bad this year, but amongst the sadness there have been some rays of light.

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