Yesterday it rained. All day. And I found myself falling in to a bad place. My friend came to visit for the weekend, which was a fantastic distraction. She’s amazing, and it was so refreshing to spend time with a good friend, it has been a while. It was so good to see her, and we covered miles and miles walking around the city. She left yesterday morning. And that’s when the fear set in.
After hearing from the clinic last Wednesday that 7 embryos had fertilised I didn’t know anything more about their progress.
My appointment was midday today (Monday) and I worked myself up in to a complete panic that I would arrive at the clinic to be told that I have no viable embryos. Either that they didn’t even make it as far as the PGD test, or that the testing showed abnormalities.
I couldn’t get to sleep. My mind was racing and my usual calming moves didn’t help.
When I woke up this morning the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. I was in the middle of some work when my phone rang, the clinic. My lovely nurse coordinator explained that one of my embryos had tested normal. That’s good. One is better than none!
And, in an additional twist, 2 embryos that were slow starters and weren’t ready to be tested yesterday had suddenly improved and looked good. The clinic wanted to know if I’d like these to be biopsied today then frozen for the future. It costs €750. Everything has a cost in this game. But it gives me more options if this transfer does work, or, if I decide I’d like a brother or sister for my baby (the much better option!). I agreed to the biopsy. They gave me the results at the clinic. 4 embryos of the 7 made it to testing, 3 abnormal. Plus 2 late developers for the future, and 1 that didn’t progress. Numbers numbers numbers.
The transfer went well. Slightly different to the previous transfers I’ve done in Sydney. I preferred this one – firstly, up on the screen while I was lying in the transfer room they were playing time lapse footage of my embryo. From one cell up to a multi celled blastocyst. It was amazing to see the cells dividing. I felt quite teary watching it.
Two other things this clinic did that were different to my other transfers are that you change in to a hospital gown, with paper hat and slippers and then they ask you to lie still and relax for a few minutes post transfer. I liked both of these things. Being in the gown gave me something to do, and helped me get my mind around the transfer. The relaxing after also felt important.
So now I’m waiting. I’ll test in 2 weeks. (Ok. That’s not true. I’ll probably start testing earlier…wont be able to stop myself!). I’ve googled the statistics and I know there are no guarantees this will stick, but I’ve given this my best shot and I feel more ready than ever.
The progesterone is making me hungry. And technically I’m now eating for 2 (me + my amazing little embryo) so I’m sitting in a courtyard tucking in to patatas bravas at my local tapas bar. Bliss.