I’m a 37 year old (…how did that happen?!) currently based in Singapore. I have been single for…ages! My big life plan involved marriage at 24, children at 27 and 29, a house with a garden and a pet dog. I don’t know where I went off track, but I have achieved NONE of those things! No mortgage, no husband, no dog and definitely no kids.
2 years ago, shortly after turning 35, I took the first steps in the journey to become a single mother by choice (‘SMC’). This was something I had been thinking about for a while, after hearing stories from US-based friends about ‘Chose the donor’ parties and Choice Moms.
I have always known that I want children. The urge to be a mother is far stronger than any desire I’ve ever had to be married. Maybe it’s my choice in men, maybe it’s that I haven’t met Mr Right yet, or maybe it is me. Is there something in my personality that makes me incompetent at relationships? Who knows. But I know that I don’t want to go through life without children.
The journey got off to a flying start. All my screening tests were good, my fertility doctor described me as a textbook patient. He told me I’d be pregnant by Christmas. That was in October 2016. He was right! After selecting a donor, I went through a round of IVF using my own eggs and the donor sperm. 16 eggs collected, 9 fertilized. 1 transferred and 5 day 5 blasocysts frozen for making siblings for my future baby! 10 days after the embryo transfer I did a home pregnancy test (hpt) and it was positive. I honestly don’t believe I have ever felt so happy as that moment, holding the stick. The pregnancy was confirmed by a blood test.
Then things took a turn. The second (beta) blood test didn’t show enough of an increase in HCG. The pregnancy was not going to be viable. I needed to wait for nature to take its course.
Early stage miscarriages are incredibly common. I was totally floored by the news. Naively I had been so swept up in all the good news along the way that I hadn’t stopped to think that things might not turn out just fine.
To make things worse, I was due to relocate to Stockholm, Sweden one week later, for a 3 month work assignment. I’d already packed all my pre-natal vitamins and had been researching locations to get my ultrasounds done.
Now I was told that I needed to visit a doctor for a blood test to confirm that the pregnancy was truly over, and to get checked to ensure there were no remnants left behind.
And so the nightmare of seeking fertility related treatment in overseas locations began…